"The Man Date"
Apr. 14th, 2005 10:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
e_clare"The Man Date", Fashion & Style, NYTimes, 10 April 2005.
Jim O'Donnell ... said his life had been changed by a male friend, [and] urges men to get over their discomfort in socializing one on one because they have much to gain from the emotional support of male friendships. (Women understand this instinctively, which is why there is no female equivalent to the awkward man date; straight women have long met for dinner or a movie without a second thought.)
Clearly, this author hasn't met straight Mount Holyoke women off-campus, when dinner, coffee, or a movie can definitely become date-like before either one realizes it. (Hi, wifey.)
[...] The concern about being perceived as gay is one of the major complications of socializing one on one, many straight men acknowledge. That is what Mr. Speiser, now a graduate student at the University of Virginia, recalled about another man date he set up at a highly praised Italian restaurant in a strip mall in Charlottesville. It seemed a comfortable choice to meet his roommate, Thomas Kim, a lawyer, but no sooner had they walked in than they were confronted by cello music, amber lights, white tablecloths and a wine list.
The two exchanged a look. "It was funny," Mr. Speiser said. "We just knew we couldn't do it." Within minutes they were eating fried chicken at a "down and dirty" place down the road.
This is interesting to me, because it also applies to platonic male/female friendships, but apparently it's not a problem if the world thinks you and your best guy friend are on a romantic dinner date. Sometimes, people just want to eat at nice restaurants. (Hi,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
llogan.)
Dinner with a friend has not always been so fraught. Before women were considered men's equals, some gender historians say, men routinely confided in and sought advice from one another in ways they did not do with women, even their wives. Then, these scholars say, two things changed during the last century: an increased public awareness of homosexuality created a stigma around male intimacy, and at the same time women began encroaching on traditionally male spheres, causing men to become more defensive about notions of masculinity...And thus a simple meal turns into social Stratego.
[...] Other restaurant red flags include coat checks, busboys who ask, "Still or sparkling?" and candles, unless there is a power failure. All of those are fine, however, at a steakhouse. "Your one go-to is if you go and get some kind of meat product," explained James Halow, 28.
Heh.
The article goes on to outline the rules for paying (go Dutch), cooking at home (unacceptable, without a grill or a deep-fryer), and movie-going ("guy movies" only, buffer seat is de rigueur). Finally, it ends by bringing the women back into it: "A romantic date always trumps a man date."
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Jim O'Donnell ... said his life had been changed by a male friend, [and] urges men to get over their discomfort in socializing one on one because they have much to gain from the emotional support of male friendships. (Women understand this instinctively, which is why there is no female equivalent to the awkward man date; straight women have long met for dinner or a movie without a second thought.)
Clearly, this author hasn't met straight Mount Holyoke women off-campus, when dinner, coffee, or a movie can definitely become date-like before either one realizes it. (Hi, wifey.)
[...] The concern about being perceived as gay is one of the major complications of socializing one on one, many straight men acknowledge. That is what Mr. Speiser, now a graduate student at the University of Virginia, recalled about another man date he set up at a highly praised Italian restaurant in a strip mall in Charlottesville. It seemed a comfortable choice to meet his roommate, Thomas Kim, a lawyer, but no sooner had they walked in than they were confronted by cello music, amber lights, white tablecloths and a wine list.
The two exchanged a look. "It was funny," Mr. Speiser said. "We just knew we couldn't do it." Within minutes they were eating fried chicken at a "down and dirty" place down the road.
This is interesting to me, because it also applies to platonic male/female friendships, but apparently it's not a problem if the world thinks you and your best guy friend are on a romantic dinner date. Sometimes, people just want to eat at nice restaurants. (Hi,
llogan.)Dinner with a friend has not always been so fraught. Before women were considered men's equals, some gender historians say, men routinely confided in and sought advice from one another in ways they did not do with women, even their wives. Then, these scholars say, two things changed during the last century: an increased public awareness of homosexuality created a stigma around male intimacy, and at the same time women began encroaching on traditionally male spheres, causing men to become more defensive about notions of masculinity...And thus a simple meal turns into social Stratego.
[...] Other restaurant red flags include coat checks, busboys who ask, "Still or sparkling?" and candles, unless there is a power failure. All of those are fine, however, at a steakhouse. "Your one go-to is if you go and get some kind of meat product," explained James Halow, 28.
Heh.
The article goes on to outline the rules for paying (go Dutch), cooking at home (unacceptable, without a grill or a deep-fryer), and movie-going ("guy movies" only, buffer seat is de rigueur). Finally, it ends by bringing the women back into it: "A romantic date always trumps a man date."
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